reality in three acts

[My tribute to Ira Glass, whose picture I inadvertently saw yesterday after months of deliberate avoidance]

Act 1

One summer in college, at the height of the commercial Screen Actors Guild strike, I worked at a law firm with a handful of struggling actors. They greeted me each day with updates, and they liked to remind me about the strike's higher mission. Besides deserving to get paid more, they said, actors need to teach the studios to repect the value of their talent.

And then Plan B arrived: reality shows.

Talk about a plan going awry. Now, instead of paying real actors money for quality shows, networks pay wannabe actors for doing inane/disgusting/mean things -- and some of them don't even get a cent! Apparently, this year NBC has four sitcoms. Four. Not four new ones. Four period.

I wonder if those actors ever regretted their decision.

Act 2

The Guy in my section stands out. He's older, he sits in the middle seat of the second row of every single class, he used to be some company exec, and he never falters when called upon in class. Everyone wants a piece of him, and the schemes students use to get to him are both aggravating and entertaining.

Today, a friend witnessed three classmates plotting their moves to get The Guy into their study group. We've never seen these boys hang out together, so conspiracy says that the self-proclaimed smart ones sought each other out. Oh, and did I mention none of them are (1) girls, or (2) of color?

Cut to scene: The Guy walks out of the classroom. The trio ambushes him with an offer ("We've decided to form a study group, and we want you to be part of it.") The Guy -- fully knowing that he's the No. 1 draft pick of the section -- politely declines and counteroffers with diplomacy ("I'll be happy to help you guys out, but ...)

At this point, the trio notices my nosy friend's not-so-subtle eavesdropping. So, they enchance their offer with the incentive of a date of lunch and library, where they can commence negotiations like the good law students they are.

Law School Survivor has begun, and it's not pretty.

Act 3

Actual thought in my brain on the commute this morning:

"What time will have I have to leave school in order to make it on time for The Apprentice?"

So lame.