don't annoy me

Four of my friends and I decided to work together on our legal research project today, and in front of everyone, I chastised one of my friends for using "gay" to describe our annoying project.

Welcome to my inner dark side.

The words came out like a tidal wave. I don't know what came over me. I guess that the combination of (1) the tediousness of the project; (2) the constant chatter that drowned out my concentration; (3) my growing claustrophobia in a 8x8 study room; and (4) my visceral reaction to any pejorative use of "gay" pushed me into crazy-land. I wasn't yelling or anything. I just went into condescension-mode, which is not a pretty place.

With my law school friends coming from diverging walks of life, I'm often outside of my comfort zones. I don't really hang out with Asian Americans, and I'm definitely not surrounded by crazy liberals like those at my old office. Sometimes, I bite my tongue to hear other people's points, to get a sense of where they're coming from. But those feelings well up, leading to situations like today.

I feel bad because I should not have said those things in front of all those people. I have a pretty chill image in my class (for those that even know me), so I think the other people were taken aback. Oh well.