conflicted

Part of the reason I'm enjoying second year better that first year is because of my classes. First year, I took the standard first year classes, which meant that the only time we touched on social justice issues was during the occasional discussion on unconscionability in contracts or res judicata in civil procedure. This year, however, I'm taking the civil rights litigation seminar as well as a class on individual rights in constitutional law. That means I'm spending the semester read Roe, Korematsu, Brown, and everything else my pinko heart desires. Every day I come to school, I reminded of all the reasons I wanted to go to law school in the first place

This daily reminder also brings a bit of guilt. Tomorrow, I have a callback interview with an area firm, where I am expected to lie about my public interest aspirations (if asked) in order to secure summer employment. The brightside is that, unlike another firm that bragged about its work defending Walmart against single-plaintiff employer discrimination suits, this firm doesn't have any clients that make me want to vomit. Well, that's a gross generalization because I haven't actually investigated its list of clients yet, but one step at a time.

Anyway, I feel guilty because I feel like a sellout. A debate rages in the public interest arena over the necessity of working at a large firm. On the one hand, many public interest organizations don't have the resources to train law school grads; therefore, the argument goes, working at a law firm actually advances your public interest career because you get the training you need to be an effective advocate for the underprivileged. This, I believe, is a bunch of crap. Yes, there are dysfunctional non-profits. But there are also unbelievably wonderful offices that take their new attorneys and cultivate them with the understanding that these people will elevate the organization and the public interest community as a whole. I had the fortunate opportunity to work at such a place over the summer, which is why I have such a hard time believing the whole "better training" argument.

Other people argue that working at a large firm helps relieve graduates saddled with debt, but I can't hide behind this one. My school gave me a whole lot of money to pursue my public interest career, and even though they couldn't care less about whether I honored my commitment or not, I do not want to be a hypocrite.

For all these pro-firm arguments, there's quite a few people that I know and respect that didn't even participate in their school's on-campus interviewing program, much less work as a summer associate. These are the people that cause me the most internal strife -- not because they chastise me (because I know they wouldn't), but because their experiences have taught me that I don't need to work in a big firm to do what I want to do. Plus, I know that, deep down, the reason why I want to work at the firm this summer is because I want to prove to people that I can -- a sentiment that puts me among the ranks of prestige whores that this profession produces.

But I shouldn't jump the gun. No offer is in my hand, so there's no need for overdramatic self-flagellation just yet. I'll just see how tomorrow goes and browbeat myself accordingly.